On growing old (reposted)

Hanging Bridge at Eden Nature Park

A girlfriend was ranting about her job at dinner the other night, and said that she feels tired and old while smoothing away her imaginary wrinkles. I commiserated with her, and half-jokingly plotted to beat up her Korean boss.

It made me wonder afterwards if "feeling old" is synonymous with maturity. Is it when we mature that we start to feel old, or the other way around? I "felt old" at 14 after my father died, while my family started to remind me that I’m getting old at 35, harping on my ticking biological clock…tik-tak-tik-tak.

It used to irritate me, the constant reminder about my biological clock---now I find it rather amusing. I'd like to believe that I've finally matured when I was able to overcome the things I used to despair and grieve about, and endure life's uncertainty without jumping off a bridge.

A few times, I caught myself sounding like my mother (cringe!). Then I remember the time [when I was an angry and confused teenager] I declared to everybody who wanted to listen that I would NEVER be like my mother! Now it becomes apparent that I can’t escape the genes I inherited from my parents---I should at least thank my mother for the accidental good genes I got. So I’ve accepted the fact that whatever I do, I can’t avoid cellulites!

The physical aspects of growing old are unavoidable, and because we have a youth-oriented culture, it is natural that we become conscious of our age. I'm turning 40-something this October and I do not wish to look 25---well, maybe just a gorgeous 40-something (hehe). I cursed the day when I started wearing reading glasses---I was 33, and people started calling me ma’am, my cousins called me Miss Principal. But I soon realize that it was actually a blessing. With imperfect vision, I could barely see my wrinkles! (What are wrinkles anyway? They merely indicate where smiles have been.)

It is true that our bodies and minds do change with age, but I believe that we really do get better as we mature. Only in the past few years when I really begun to learn who I am, what I want, and accepted the things I cannot change.

I’ve also found that my personal definition of beauty changes over time. There is a depth and beauty that comes only with age. The men may disagree, but look at Diane Lane (43), Monica Bellucci (44), Halle Berry (42), Zsa Zsa Padilla (43), Dina Bonnevie (47), Meg Ryan (46), to name a few.

When we were younger, my girlfriends and I would meet for lunch that dragged on until dinner…talking about the men [or the lack of it] in our lives, our jobs, fashion trends, movies and books, places we'd like to visit, our daily dramas. Now, we talk about our health scares, our aging parents and their health problems. We worry about our nephews and nieces, the quality of their education, the drug menace, over-population, women and children's rights.

I know that I am getting older because I begin to think about problems which didn’t use to concern me at all. I worry about global warming, deforestation, street children, cholesterol, dioxin carcinogens, terrorism, the economy---and try to do what I can to help. I can now watch a senate hearing on TV without falling asleep. I am officially a "concerned citizen".

While some people look at growing older with fear in their hearts, I see this time of my life differently. There is so much growth that happens as we mature---I am not talking about unwanted hair growth, but emotional, spiritual and yes, physical growth. I’d like to make most of getting older by living my life in a vibrant and healthy manner. I laugh and smile everyday. Read. Listen to music. Eat well. Hold on to my dreams. Love what I'm doing. Engage in stimulating conversations. And still try to exercise, drink lots of water, and get some sleep.

I still panic sometimes, forget to breath. But I have a lot to be grateful for, reaching this stage of my life with conscious and unconscious risks taken, surgeries, illnesses, hopes, regrets, dreams, fears, disappointments, loves, memories. And I’m writing this, smiling at the thought that wrinkles and grey hairs don’t hurt.

Let’s celebrate our journey through this life.